If you don’t like a little honest, hysterical, and slightly cruel criticism, you should probably stay away from this post. And my Twitter account. And my Tumblr. And maybe we should start seeing other people.
Yesterday The Pioneer Woman premiered on Food Network. My Twitter feed made me feel like I was supposed to be excited because she’s a food blogger who’s used her talents to become famous and that’s cool, right? Meh, I guess. To be honest, I don’t read her blog or know all that much about her. She seems nice but we’re such different people that if we were stuck in a room for an hour no one would say a word. Still, when I saw other bloggers giving rave reviews and tweeting #TeamRee I felt I should watch it. And then when I read this snarky review on Food Network Humor I knew I had to watch it.
I’m not going to sugarcoat this in rainbows and roses: The show was bad. There wasn’t much originality to it. Everything I’ve heard of Ree’s character was washed away either by Food Network or editing. You could have put Paula Deen or Ina Garten in Montana and they would have came up with the same show. The parts that were technically good, I just didn’t like very much on a personal level. Let me break it down for you:
The Food
On the menu was chicken fried steak with gravy, mashed potatoes, and marinated tomato salad. Oh Lordy, where to start?
(Source)
She made this meal for her husbands and kids because they worked hard on the ranch all day and she wanted a meal that would “stick to their ribs”. Uhh, are you sure you didn’t mean kill them? The steak looked like a greasy hot mess. I’m sure the potatoes are good, but then again what wouldn’t taste good with 2 sticks of butter and a block of cream cheese? And that’s for 12 servings, people. 12. Here’s the nutrition info for the recipe:
Yeah, appetizing. At least she made a marinated tomato salad which will take a little longer to kill you. On the show she didn’t use all of her dressing but on Food Network’s website the recipe has a cup of olive oil for 6 servings. Ugh. Somewhere someone is making that recipe and wondering why they’re more well lubed than a car.
The Dialogue
This was more scripted than an episode of Days Of Our Lives, except no one was bitch slapped, shot, or otherwise screwed over by a Dimera. In other words it was a snooze fest.
Ree acted like the cookie cut-out humble ranch wife, always proving that she was just like you and me. Except we don’t have millions of fans and a television show, Ree, we just don’t. She shied away from words like chiffonade because they’re “fancy”. Come on, give people a little more credit than that. And if they don’t know what a chiffonade is they can Google it. You do have Google on the ranch, Ree, don’t you? And she pointed out her little “quirks” like mixing salad dressing in a mason jar. Eh, that’s almost interesting enough for me to give a damn.
But what really bugged me was the submissive wife act that’s outdated by about 50 years. She made it pretty clear that her role was in the kitchen spending her time to cater to her working husband and children because that’s what a good wife does. Can you hear me cringing through the computer screen? Because I am. I just wanted to call her up and tell her, “you can legally vote and own property now, you know.”
The Cowboy
If you’ve ever had fantasies of a romantic cowboy coming into your life and sweeping you off your feet, this guy will chase those away for you. I’d like to think it’s just how he was edited, but in his short screen time he managed to be pretty rude and obnoxious. There wasn’t enough “please and thank you” and way too much “where’s my dinner?” and “get to work”. Someone like that couldn’t get me to move away from the couch let alone from the city.
In the .0001% chance I become a famous food blogger/chef and meet the Pioneer Woman face to face one day, I’m really going to regret this post, huh? Good thing I’m a risk taker.
Did you watch the show? What did you think? Will you keep tuning in? Not even my love for the word “ya’ll” will have me watching again.
